I cannot find my penis.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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