i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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