My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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