Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
