You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
is that a dick in a sweater?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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