I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
