god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
