babies were throwing up all over the place
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i came on her dog
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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