he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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