Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
