It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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