You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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