Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Fuck appropriateness.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
