I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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