everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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