This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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