i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
