All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
