Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
