It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
