If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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