I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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