I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
