how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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