If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
