It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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