Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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