You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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