tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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