quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We have started to decorate penises.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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