roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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