You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
