It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
