took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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