I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
