I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
