so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
