He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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