okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
