Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
