Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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