K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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