i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
