I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
