She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
