i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
