ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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