HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
