Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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