she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
